A birthday monologue

“Happy birthday, Audrey. I will pray for you at Mass this morning in St Florian Church, Krakow. JPII had served here as vicar of the parish.”

This was the text message I received from a priest who was still in Poland after World Youth Day concluded, complete with a photo of St Florian Church.

St Florian's Church, Krakow

When you’re unable to go to the place you’ve always wanted to visit but friends who went remembered you, especially on your birthday -- if I said it didn’t mean anything to me, I would be lying big time.

Really, I don’t need to describe how touched I was (I still am!). I’m trying very hard to push back those tears. Besides, it’s going to be awkward if I were seen crying in the office!

John Paul II has always been one of the few reasons for my tearing up. I used the tense “has” because we all know that, even though he’s no longer on earth physically, he’s still around through the communion of saints. For that, I’m sure he knows about me and how much I love and miss him.

But there is always this voice, maybe it’s just my alter ego, that has been trying its best to get me to give up on John Paul II.

“He’s dead, so please wake up and give up,” said the voice.

“No way! How can you ask me to forget someone who’s made such a deep impression in me ever since my youth?” I retorted.

“You’re just wasting your time,” said the voice. “Why not lavish your love on someone else? It’s a one-sided love anyway, so it won’t make much difference.”

“I’d rather waste my time on someone I could look up to and learn holiness from; someone who is willing to journey with me, not just as a mentor but also a friend. I cannot find anybody else except JPII!” I reasoned.

Because I know, if I were one of his youth in Poland, he would be more than willing to spend time with me and to coach me, just like what he had done with the youth before he was elected pope.

Because I really want to grow closer to the One whom we both call “Abba, Father”.

For all those who remembered me in Poland, I pray that the good Lord would bless them ever more abundantly.

My darling Saint, kindly intercede for them for their generosity and kindness.

And for the priest who remembered me when he was in Krakow (if you’re reading this – you know who you are), thank you from the bottom of my heart. That's the best birthday gift ever.

Worthwhile, because of Him

I’ve been struggling with this post for the fourth month now. I wanted to share about my trip last November to Shenzhen China for the international Taichi competition, and about my short but wonderful trip to Hong Kong right after that. However, every time I read through my own writing which I reedited for the umpteenth time, I still found it not able to bring out the point I wanted to convey. Finally, here it is...

Undoubtedly, it was an eye-opening experience.

I never liked competitions as such, but I went anyway – for the sake of a friend who wanted to fulfil her dream. I put my responsibilities behind and missed two Sunday Masses. If I knew what was going to happen, I wouldn’t have gone. Well, our team did win quite a few trophies and medals, and so did I. My friend had her dream fulfilled – thank God! But in return, I was accused of being a disgrace to the team for some ridiculous reasons by the incompetent team leader (I really didn’t mean to judge, but he didn’t do anything and yet claimed all the credit. I've never heard even a word of encouragement from him to our team. Worse still, he’s a Catholic).

For all the sacrifices I’ve made, what did I get? Nothing. Even when I was accused, that friend of mine didn’t even stand up to defend me (after all I’ve done for her!). Was the trip worthwhile? Definitely a big NO. Till today, I still refused to talk about it with anyone. Why should I recall those heart-breaking moments??

Nevertheless, there’s still a reason for me to remember -- because Christ walked with me throughout the trip.

On the night before the competition, I saw something I didn’t expect to see in a place like China: a huge billboard that read “Jesus loves you” (in Chinese). It so touched my heart that I had to control my tears.

I took every opportunity to stay in the hotel room while my friend went out with the others. There was no fear or loneliness at all, only peace and plenty of space for me to reflect and think of the Lord.

After the competition, we had a short trip to Hong Kong. It was such a blessing from the Lord – my non-Christian friends took every trouble to help me find the way to the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception where the relic of Pope John Paul II was.

It was a special “meeting”. I finally met John Paul II, the Pope whom I loved so much! The relic was a few strands of hair of JPII, and it was placed quite a distance away. That was the closest I could get to the relic, what else could I ask for? :-)

Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, Hong Kong, where the relic of Blessed John Paul II was.

We also visited St Theresa’s Church. Although I didn’t have the chance to attend Mass (as planned), at least I had the chance to spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament.

St Theresa's Church, Hong Kong. Thank you, friends.

Perhaps, those were the only times I was truly happy during the whole trip.

Every time I reflected on all that happened during this trip, I was very thankful to God that I could see beyond the sufferings I’ve endured. Thankful that I made the journey. Thankful for the truthful friends in Hong Kong. I’m even more thankful for those moments when I was at the verge of breaking down. Otherwise, would I have experienced the presence of God? Would I have noticed Him if the trip was a delightful one throughout? "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Ps 34:18).

But you had the opportunity to meet so many people from all around the world! It was an international event, wasn’t it? You may ask.

Of course I met a lot of people. People, who, in their eyes I was a nobody. People who would do anything to grab as many medals as they could. People who prefer to be in the company of the judges and those with some kind of status.

But it was worth it. It worth every penny spent, every tear shed, every discriminating word heard. It was worthwhile because He proved Himself a faithful friend. It was worthwhile when He made visiting Him in the Blessed Sacrament possible.

Every time someone mentioned about the competition, I couldn’t stop the pain from surfacing. Then again, the best part of the trip -- the joy of visiting the churches and meeting my Hong Kong friends -- always warm my heart. Thanks to this trip, I’m in love with Him even more today.

Every cloud has a silver lining... because He is present.

Thank you, Lord!

[This trip taught me to be humble and always put God into account in everything I do. "If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are." ~ Mother Teresa. I wasn't bothered about the competition, or about the people who looked down on me. My initial intention was to help my friend, besides visiting the churches in Hong Kong. It was rather sad when I found out that I was just being used. Anyway, I'm really glad that I was of help to her. My mission, to see the relic of Blessed John Paul II, was accomplished!]

Vatican announces beatification of John Paul II

I remember perfectly that I was on Twitter when I saw the tweet that went something like this: "Benedict XVI to beatify John Paul II on 1 May". And... I jumped for joy! (Luckily I was alone in my office, or else people might have thought that I was mad!)

But of course, to make sure that it was not another "prediction" of his beatification / canonization news, I clicked the link to read the full news report.

Indeed, it is true! Pope Benedict XVI approved the miracle -- healing of the nun from Parkinson's disease, and announced the beatification! It's a tripple joy ... John Paul II is also the official patron of World Youth Day Madrid 2011!

My Editor, knowing that I’m a huge fan of John Paul II, gave me the honour to be the first person to share my love for this great pope with Today’s Catholic readers, which will be published and on sale the second weekend of February. It took me almost two weeks to think of what and how to write. But then I think I've been wasting these two weeks because when I finally sat down in front of the computer, I was at a total lost again.

Anyway, I’m giving you the privilege to read my sharing first, unedited. (By the time this reaches the Editor, she would have cut it short already.) I'm not sure how many litres of tears I've shed when I was writing this. Sigh. I really miss him, you know. Sob.

So here's the short sharing:

As far as I remember, I got to know Pope John Paul II through the media. Back then, there was only the television, newspapers and church magazines.

While my parents told me “children should be seen and not heard,” John Paul II called the young people “my dear friends”. His appearances always drew crowds of young people to himself. I saw them cheering when he spoke to them. I saw them in tears of joy when he went around to greet his young audience. He showed great affection and care for the youths. I even read about how he forgave his would-be assassin.

But my first and deepest impression was him kissing a baby so lovingly. It reminded me of the story of Jesus welcoming children told by Luke (Lk 18:15-16). It must have been then that I started to be “in love” with him. Although too young to understand his messages, I learned about who Jesus is through his works and example. His passion for the people he met, especially the youths, the sick and the suffering proved his tremendous love for Christ. After the internet has become a necessity at home, I started to learn more about this Pope and his messages. I simply “clicked” with this Pope and he was a figure I always looked up to.

About seven years ago, I told myself that the World Youth Day would be the first international gathering I would go to meet John Paul II in person once I have a steady income. Unfortunately, that day never came.

On 2 April 2005, I woke up next to my computer at 3 am to check the internet for any updates on John Paul II who was very sick then. Finding none since midnight, I went to bed. The next morning during the Easter Mass, the Parish Priest announced the death of John Paul II. Upon hearing this news I was absent-minded throughout the Mass. When I reached home after Mass, tears started to pour. His last words to those who kept vigil in St Peter’s Square seemed to be also for me: “I have searched for you, and now you have come to me, and I thank you.” It took me more than one year to get over the pain and sorrow of losing him, my teacher and my friend.

Even though I never had the chance to meet him, I finally made it to World Youth Day Sydney 2008. I thanked the Lord for John Paul II and for this life-changing event which he initiated.

The news of his beatification is music to the ears of those who love him. As we count down to John Paul II’s beatification on 1 May, I also patiently but eagerly looking forward to his canonisation.

Dear Pope John Paul II, I will be there in Vatican to witness your canonisation!

P.S I just realised that my command of English has gone down the drain. But thank you for bearing with me! Oh by the way, is anyone planning to go to Pope John Paul II's canonization in the future? Let me know, maybe we could meet and say hello! ;)

The Memory of Year 2005... gone

I've just realised that my parents took down and discarded the wall calendar of Year 2005, which I've kept all these years as a remembrance of the dearest late Pope John Paul II's death. The exact time and date of his death, his birthday, etc. were all marked on the calendar. It broke my heart so tremendously when I saw that it was replaced by the calendar for Year 2010.

I've never been this sad before... so very sad. And disappointed at the same time, not understanding why my parents would change and/or throw my things away without first asking for my permission.

Remembering my hero

I could not help but missing him for these few days. It all started with a conversation with my friend from Kuala Lumpur. She attended a talk by a well-know Taiwanese writer, Liu Yong that night, and shared with me that he made a difference in her life through his books and writings. She has already met him in person, twice. I even had the chance to look at her photos... she's so blessed to be able to meet her teacher and hero. I, then, shared with her that one man whom I have loved, looked up to and will love for the rest of my life. It brought me to tears when I told her how lucky she has been; as much as I wanted to meet my hero, the Lord called him home even before there was any opportunity for me to grab!

Today, I was attending a seminar on St. Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians when the speaker mentioned Pope John Paul II several times. He told us how John Paul II publicly apologised to the whole world for the past mistakes made by the Catholic Church; while the ex-President of United States, realising his own mistakes and errors, still remained silence all the while. Admitting one's mistakes is a very humbling act, and no leaders would ever do such a stupid thing. But the most foolish man in the world did it -- John Paul II, who later became one of the greatest and most respected leader in the world. I was so touched when I heard what John Paul II had done during his lifetime. This is my role model and inspiration!!

I found this forum with a lot of pictures of the late John Paul II, many of which I have not seen before. Some of these photos made me cry really hard. How I long to meet him in person!! And how much I've missed him ever since he left us. Sharing this forum with all of you who have loved John Paul II as much as I do.


Photo courtesy of The Pope Benedict XVI Forum.

In loving memory...

...he has always been right here -- in my heart. We miss you, Holy Father! We always will.


Watch a slide show honouring Pope John Paul II here. Read more here.

Via Fr. Stephanos.

Prayer to Pope John Paul the Great

Pope John Paull II is the person who have inspired me the most, and even though he is with Daddy God in Heaven today, he's still an inspiration to me. Oh how much I miss him!

Sharing with you the prayer I personally love...

Prayer for asking graces through the intercession of the Servant of God Pope John Paul II

O Blessed Trinity We thank You for having graced the Church with Pope John Paul II and for allowing the tenderness of your Fatherly care, the glory of the cross of Christ, and the splendor of the Holy Spirit, to shine through him. Trusting fully in Your infinite mercy and in the maternal intercession of Mary, he has given us a living image of Jesus the Good Shepherd, and has shown us that holiness is the necessary measure of ordinary Christian life and is the way of achieving eternal communion with you. Grant us, by his intercession, and according to Your will, the graces we implore, hoping that he will soon be numbered among your saints. Amen.


Adapted from Gallery of Lovers of Saints