Sep 5, 2010

No longer luke warm

Individual Quality

I celebrated my 12th Confirmation Anniversary on 23 August. Well, nothing grand. It shouldn't even be called a "celebration". Not sure what caused my procrastination that day until I missed the Mass which I've planned to attend. I fell asleep that night without bothering to say Thank You to the Lord.

Hmmm... what a celebration, huh?

The next day, something came into my mind that I should read the reflection for 23 August on Holy Spirit Interactive website. I did, and found it quite disturbing. "What differences have I made ever since I became an employee of the Archdiocese of Kuching? What significant impressions have I made especially upon the younger members in our youth group?" I kept pondering on these two questions for a few days, feeling a bit surprised that I had no answer.

Then recently, I had a dream. I was hanging out with some parish youths at a cozy cafe when I received a phone call. Someone who claimed to be the internet service provider asked for my details. Knowing that it was a scam, I was pissed off and spoke very impolitely to the person, ending the conversion with a curse. Putting my phone away, I noticed the youths were staring at me, shocked and couldn't believe that I've just cursed. I woke up instantly. [The dream was so real that I could remember it until today! I usually have dreamless sleep. Even though I do dream sometimes, I don't seem to remember a thing from the dream.]This provoking dream caused me to ponder even more... am I a bad influence to the youths?

This morning, our priest's sermon struck me again. He shared with us that, although he's been a priest for more than 30 years, he found that the journey gets tougher over the years as he tried his best to be a good priest. And so it is being a Catholic, he added. When one is a newly baptised Catholic, everything seems to be easy and smooth-sailing. But as one journeys further, temptations, disappointments, etc. keep coming one's way.

I agree with him. I guess it is so too with the life of a single and a married. Being a single myself, I don't find life getting easier. As I grow older, there are more matters to consider, more people to entertain and care for, more things in my to-do-list, more responsibility on my shoulders; and many a times I tend to put myself first on the Priority List while leaving God aside.

Now back to the earlier questions.

For the past nine months I've been comfortably hiding in my comfort zone, doing what I love doing (working with computers and media). Perhaps it's way too comfortable that I started to procrastinate and become lazy. Okay, my resignation from a high paying job to be a full time employee of the Archdiocese with a much lower pay may have earned myself some admiration and respect from friends and youths. But is that all I'm searching for in life? WHAT do I actually want to achieve in life? What kind of impressions do I want others to have on me?

Nine months... it's time to be "born again". It's time to pick up the things that I've planned to do but left off nine months ago. It's time to "pin" God permanently on the top of the list.

Thank you, Lord, for that little nudge you gave me. I'll give myself another year to evaluate how mature I've grown spiritually and mentally.

This is my prayer for today, sharing it with everyone: