I used to hate being alone. Each time I was alone, I tend to desperately look for someone to accompany me, it didn't matter who that person is - a guy or a gal; I also had impure thoughts; I watched whatever programme that comes on TV just to kill time, or wasting time online by popping into all kinds of chatrooms. Most of the time I longed for someone... for his touch, his embrace, his presence that would keep me secure... I wanted to feel somebody's love.
Today, I am no longer the same as I grow rooted in the Lord.
When a Catholic friend complained to me, that he was lonely and he needed someone special to be there, I do understand how he must have felt. That emptiness inside that consumes the whole being... that pain, that longing that are unbearable. But they can be filled... with love not from someone else, but from the Source of Love, which is Love itself.
While I was searching online for a photo about loneliness for another post which I was planning to write on, I found this short excerpt on The Loneliness of the Christian.
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone.
It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.
- by A. W. Tozer
It accurately described how I felt then. And because I felt so lonely that I couldn't stand anymore, I started turning to the Lord for companionship and love. Eventually, I become so attached to Him and being alone has become something I look forward to. In fact, I treasure those moments when I just have to sit or kneel in front of a Crucifix or Christ's image and talk to Him straight... like a friend but invisible. As a result of the Conversation, I found peace in my heart, joy, and I feel that I'm so much loved... by Someone so great and who deserves all my love.
When I travel alone, I would bring one book by a Christian writer or anything having to do with the Faith, my darling Bible and the prayer book I always use. I did not have that hungry feeling of loneliness. All I know was that my heart pounded real hard when the departures and arrivals of flights were being announced. My only fear is that I might miss the flight!
If you can come to the realization that loneliness is not scary at all, but is instead an opportunity to have an intimate relationship with God, then you would also look forward to every moment where you can be totally alone -- then be assured that you are going after something that is more precious than silver or gold, which He and He alone can give.
May you discover the beauty of loneliness.