Oct 30, 2005

Prayer Needed!

I don't how how true this message is, but I got it just this morning about a persecution of a Christian missionary in East Timor, whose name is *Pastor Ferdie Flores, saying that he will be killed today through beating.

True or not, let's just send our prayers to the Father for this missionary...

*Edited: Not Peter, that's a Pastor.

Oct 29, 2005

Different Crosses

'Why do Catholic Churches have Crucifix instead of an empty Cross?' - A question frequently asked by local non-Catholics and non-Christians.

When I was still spiritually immature, I hate to have this question being thrown at me. I would avoid it whenever and wherever I could. Now, it's totally different. As I grew up in God's fantastic love, I understood why Catholics use Crucifixes instead of an empty Cross.

For Protestants, an empty cross means the Resurrection of Christ. It's a proof that Jesus is alive today. Yes, we Catholics certainly agree and believe that He is risen. But is this what Christianity is all about? A risen Christ? Of course not. Catholics believe in something more powerful - the very reason behind Christ's Resurrection.

Why did Jesus come to this lowly Earth in the first place? Why did Jesus choose to die in the first place? And why did Jesus choose to die ON A CROSS - such a shameful death - in the first place? There is no other reason than His LOVE for us.

Everytime I gaze at the Crucifix, it reassures me again and again, that God loves me. His love has gone to the extend of dying a shameful death on the Cross...just for ME!

There is only ONE message behind Christ's death and resurrection:"For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son..." John 3:16

As you lift up your heads and set your eyes upon the Crucifix, don't forget to give Him thanks and simply whisper 'I love you too' from your heart.

Oct 28, 2005

Let me say something...

This post is especially for a great lady, whose name is Juliana.

I happen to read the reflection for Mission Sunday, so I know I have to tell you this. You have to know the truth. Please continue reading till the end, ok?

When I first saw you and listened as you were reading in front, I was really amazed at how well you read. Everytime it was your turn as a Reader, I enjoyed listening to you and even hoped that one day I could become as good as you. For me, you were simply the best.

Everytime I saw you in church, I could not stop myself from staring at you (I know it's rude to stare!) and smiling to myself. I did not know why, but I just felt happy to have you around.
Finally, I had the chance to serve as a Reader as well. I had only one wish then, that was to ask for your comments on how I should improve my reading. But I did not have many chances to do so.

I guess you must have noticed me staring at you. So I was warned by someone not to look at you for you thought that I disliked you. It hurt me so deeply knowing that you have been thinking like this all these while.

Then came the greatest trial I have ever encountered - being one of the church political victims. When decisions were made by the 'elders of the church' to eliminate the few of us using irrelevent excuses, you defended us but ended up being victim like us. Did you know that what you did was a spirit-lifter when I was totally drowned by sorrow? You know, if I were not a Catholic, I would have approached those so-called 'elders of the church', slapped them and cursed them with F***. Did you know that you were my heroine? I wished I could thank you when I met you in church, but I was afraid as I remembered my friend's warning. So here it is.... THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE.

*Sigh* Please do not let the Evil One break the special bond that bind us all together. Just want to let you know that I will always admire and respect you for who you are, no matter how you think of me.

I pray that God may shower you with His great blessings always. Thank you for stopping by.

Oct 26, 2005

Remains A Question

I didn't get to visit the Carmelite sisters last weekend, but managed to talk to a good friend from the Emmaus Community (a special prayer group who meet up twice a week for prayers and reflections).

'Are you sure?' she asked. 'I think you better think it over again.'

'I've been thinking for a few weeks. I just want to ask the sisters for more information.' I said.

'How do you know it's from Him?'

'I don't know. I'm looking for an answer too. It couldn't be a coincidence, right?'

'So how do you feel about it?'

'Joy and peace, it's like a dream coming true.'

'Ok,' she hesitated. 'Why not you give Catherine a call and ask her about it first?' She gave me her number. (I don't know what is Catherine's relationship with the sisters, but I know she's like their secretary, helping to take care of the sisters' matters.)

I did. I was told that the local Carmelite community does not accept students like me. They want total commitment from members to attend all the classes and meetings. I am most certainly welcomed to join them once I've graduated.

Well, a little disappoiting for me. Perhaps, God wants to prepare me before letting me join the Carmelite order. Or perhaps, I'm a little spiritually immature? Or maybe... Ahh, whatever! My whole life is in His hands, so why should I worry? As long as He let me love Him with all my heart and soul!

So, what now? What else! Concentrate on my studies, do well with flying colours (God willing), and graduate after 6 more months! And then? Hmm... I hope to go for Masters... but I think I'll let Him decide what He wants for me.

[p.s. I want to thank those of you who have been praying for me. God bless all of you!]

Oct 25, 2005


'Unfortunately', I was memed by A Catholic Life. Hehe... =P

Here are the rules for this meme:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

This is just amazing... I found my 23rd post to be on the 23 Aug. My own confession that reminds me to always live as a faithful Catholic:

I received Confirmation 7 years ago, at Blessed Sacrament Church.

I hereby tag:
1. CK
2. Su Yin
3. Danny
4. Jason
5. Toby

Also anyone else who want to give it a try. Enjoy! ;)


I don't know. I just don't know how to call this conflict my friend and I are having. Misunderstanding? Conflict?

I wasn't in a good mood that day. I was harsh to almost everyone I met - my close classmates, my roommate and my housemates and my other friends. I kept quiet whenever and wherever possible. I barely smiled.

I raised my voice when talking to my roommate and my good friends. Thinking back, I feel really sorry for them. Despite avoiding me, they took the effort (and risk!) to talk to me. It was a real comfort to know that they care. Perhaps it is much better to have one or two Christian friends than to have a whole bunch of non-Christian friends who claim to know you well.

But this friend of mine was different. She knew that I was in a bad mood. After I told her that I might not be able to finish all my assignments in time, she asked me why. To me it was such a foolish question at that moment. Why? What do you mean why? Cannot finish means cannot finish, what other reasons do I need to have? I told her that. I didn't get to see her facial expression when she left my room, and since then never talked or even looked at me until today.

If I should apologise, I think my apology should go to Sarah, Su Yin, Bee Khim and Ah Mau. I have no idea why she sulked. I admit that I was a little impatient when I was talking to her, it was much better compared to the last time (we had another conflict a few months ago) I said something purposely to hurt her.

I didn't know that she was angry with me until I asked her to try something I cooked last Thursday. At first I thought she was just kidding, but only found out later on that she refused to talk to me. She used to claim that she knew me better than any of my friends do, clear enough it proved her wrong. So, this is what you call 'understanding'?, huh?

I've approached her once, and I wouldn't do it the second time. Nope, I'm not angry with her, why should I be? It's who she is and I've accepted her 3 years ago. I guess the best thing to do now is to wait till her anger has subsided. Who knows she might want to talk to me again. Even if she doesn't, what can I do? Force her, beg her? No, that's unnecessary. She started the war and so she has to end it. The choice is hers. I'm hoping she doesn't choose to end this friendship.

She's in my prayers.

Oct 23, 2005

Closing of the Eucharist Year

At 9am sharp this morning, the Archdiocese of Kuching celebrated the Mass for the closing of the Year of the Eucharist at the Amphitheatre. People started filling the empty open-air theatre at 8am. As I was part of the choir, I had the chance to sit inside a canopy on the stage, but unable to have a good view of the altar because I was sitting at the back row.

It was a miracle. God always has things planned well ahead, isn't he? It was raining pretty heavily at 7am, but it stopped 1/2 hour before the Mass begin! Sunny and hot? Not at all! The Lord sent us cloud covers that blocked out the hot sun, and a gentle breeze throughout the Mass! The Mass ended with procession back to the St. Joseph Cathedral.

I've never been to such a Mass with throngs of people, and with over 20 priests and 2 Archbishops celebrating the Mass together. It was a good experience. Is World Youth Day Mass something like this too? The Archbishop reminded us that the Eucharist represents Love. We shouldn't stop loving because the Year has come to an end. Instead, we should continue to let the Body and Blood of Christ nourish us and live in His love. So the saying goes, "Receive what you are, and become what you receive." (St. Augustine)

I managed to get some snapshots throughout the Mass when we were outdoor. Not much, but enough as remembrance. Ok, no more talking, picture time!

The congregation that were coming in quickly. Took the photo from the choir stage, that was where the Altar and the plastic chairs were for the priests (white) and altar servers (brown).

The flower girls, they sprinkled little flowers and leaves on the ground during the procession. Owh, we also have the flower boys! Not in the pic, though. Aren't they cute? Hehe.

Procession back to St.Joseph Cathedral. I didn't know how far we walked from Amphitheatre to the Cathedral because I was busy looking at my song sheet.

The Thanksgiving Dance. Took place right after Thanksgiving hymns. Sarawak Catholics are made up of the many different races - the Chinese, the Indians and the indeginous people/groups. The dancers were dressed up according to the ethnic groups. This kind of dance is very common for important Masses eg. Gawai Thanksgiving Mass, Christmas, Easter (in that Cathedral and some Kampungs [villages] only).

The St. Joseph Cathedral. Taken from the Choir section. After Mass, everyone was rushing out to get their cars. They didn't want to block others. Usually the priests will be meeting and greeting the parishioners outside the church. I wanted to show you the most handsome priest I've ever met here, but too bad I couldn't get his pic! And our choir conductor (not in the pic, I still haven't got much 'paparrazi skills') too.. gosh he's so CUTE!!! Hehehe...

Oct 22, 2005

Travelling Through A Storm

What a week.

Three assignments to hand in. Only managed to finish each of them the night before they were dued. It wasn't last minute, just didn't manage to finish them earlier.

Presentation. Something I really HATE. What else? of course I screwed it up by reading the notes and not speaking fluently. Only started preparing 3 hours before the presentation.

My 'twin' friend started a 'cold war' with me for being a little rude with her. Among all my friends she knew me better and the longest , yet she doesn't know that I'm always cold when I'm in a bad mood? Crap. Do I have to apologise again? I think she should apologise! Crap.

Couldn't stand all the pressure. I broke down and cried. How I wished I had a shoulder to cry on.
It was such a hard week. No, it was a terrible and horrible week.

[The soundtrack of "Jewel in the Palace" plays in my mp3, reminding me of how the girl overcame all the hardships.]

But it's over now. At least for the time being. *Sighs of relief* One more assignment to be submitted two weeks from now. Well, same problem again. I cannot find much information. SIX hours on the net but the info I found isn't enough still. Am looking for how French celebrate Easter and Assumption of Our Lady. How I wish I have friends from France.

Sometimes I hope I don't have to go through all these. But I'm thankful that I always have a safe landing. Thank You, Lord.

Oct 16, 2005

An Answer?

I've been giving this into thinking, so I didn't blog on this immediately.

A few days before I posted 'Desperate', I was flipping through a book called 'The Catholic Religion'. An old book published in 1987 (I was only 5 years old!) in Australia. It was on my dad's reading table. Out of boredom, I picked the book up and started flipping it just for the sake of flipping.

Then one word struck me. Secular Institutes. SECULAR. I've seen that word before, but where? I wondered and read the description under that title.

Some men and women dedicate their lives completely to God without becoming Priests or Nuns or Brothers... through vows or promises to practise celibacy and poverty... some do not wear any special religious dress; they usually continue to live in their own homes; they share in a special way in the life of the Church by their regular christian service of others.

I suddenly remembered one small segment behind the daily reflection booklet (Lectio Divina) I have, it goes like this:

For the Discalced Carmelites Order and the Church in Malaysia
Jesus needs help in looking after His sheep and He is calling you
not to work for Him but to work with Him as:-
  1. A Carmelite or Diocesan Priest
  2. A Carmelite nun
  3. A Secular Carmelite (Membership is open to single, married,
    widow and Diocesan Priest)

SECULAR CARMELITE. Some funny feelings in my heart. Is God calling me? Or did I just read that by accident?

It has been bothering me for the whole week. I have always longed for the moment I can take the vow of everlasting love for God. Has He heard me? Is this His response to my heart's cry?
I pray that it is His answer. I will meet the local Carmelite sisters for more information during the study week (two weeks from now).

Please remember me in your prayers. Merci beaucoup!
Read more about Secular Carmelite here.

Oct 13, 2005

The Expression of God's Love...

The expression of God's love
is the innocence of man
an extension of His soul...
God's "footprint in the sand."

The things we do for others
add purpose to our lives
as we represent our Savior,
we become the "feet" of Christ.

The light that shines within us
is God's Spirit from above...
the "heartbeat" of His Kingdom
the expression of God's love.
Dwell in His love always...


A friend talked to her fiance over the phone. I could see the joy in her eyes.

Was watching a Korean drama. The lovers ran into each other's arms after a long separation.

A picture of the same Korean drama. The guy tenderly held the hands of the girl he loved.

My housemate and his girlfriend. They joked and laughed with and at each other.

A TV show. The guy gazed into the girl's eyes with love.

How I wish I have someone whom I can run to. Someone whose shoulders I can lean on. Someone whose hands I can trust mine to. Someone who would look into my eyes and whisper the three special words into my ears. Someone PHYSICALLY present by my side.

It would be really really nice if Jesus is still walking on Earth today. Those scenes reminded me of Him.

How I wish I could talk to Him over the phone.
How I wish I could run into His arms.
How I wish I could hold His hands, and never letting go.
How I wish I could gaze into His eyes and fall in love with Him again and again.
How I wish I could hear Him say 'I love you',
And how I wish I could see Him with my human eyes!

Does He know that I'm desperate for Him spiritually and physically?

Oct 12, 2005


The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
Level 2 (Lustful)Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

No no no no... I don't wanna go to Purgatory!!! I want to go HOME!!!! *sniff sniff*

Oct 8, 2005

Startling Truth!

I was skimming through the book 'Heaven Is So Real' just a few minutes ago and saw this frightening truth that causes me to tremble in fear. If what the author has recorded in the book are real, then all non-Christians are in deep trouble. These were the words the Lord told Choo Thomas when He brought her to visit hell...

"The reason I am showing this to you, My daughter, is so that you will fully
understand that no matter how good people are, they will go to hell if they do
not accept Me." - Heaven Is So Real, pg.52

The Lord also added that He wanted 'believers everywhere to preach the gospel.'

If this is true, there is no excuse for us Christians not to preach the gospel, unless we want our loved ones to suffer in hell. And that would also mean one thing: only those who believe and accept Him as God and Saviour can be saved.

Do something. We might not have much time.

Oct 3, 2005

The Choral Concert

That's the concert I've been talking about in one of my previous posts. Honestly, I'm a little regreted for taking part in the concert. If I knew this was a money-making concert to promote IMH (no... you don't wanna know what that is), I wouldn't have 'contributed' my voice and time, yet what did I gain? Fame? Praise? Wealth? Free meals? Nope, NOTHING! Did I feel excited or nervous during the concert (since I miss so many practices and only went for one rehearsal)? NOT AT ALL!!!! It was nothing to me, even though I wasn't really familiar with one or two of the songs and I could't really remember the lyrics. Why? Maybe I found out that the concert was for generating more money.

LUCKILY I didn't feel so BAD or else I might have demonstrated (well, I would if I wanted to). Another realisation after I started fuming with anger: Hey, 5 great love songs for God have just been registered in the library of my brain! If not because of this concert, will I ever have a chance to learn these songs/hymns? Exactly, it's a NO! So... THANKs AND PRAISEs BE TO GOD for the great opportunity given me to be exposed to more hymns!!!!

I shall not be talking the concert because my friend and fellow choir member has blogged perfectly on this event, so why not pay her blog a visit? I shall be showing you some photos I took before and during the concert. Sorry to say that I don't have any photos of the choir singing. Well, there wasn't enough time to find a trusted person to hand over my camera to. Ok, here are the photos. Remember to drop by my friend's blog and read the detailed description of the event.

First of all, introducing you to... Mr. Reginard and Mdm. Venus from Philippines... our vocal trainer. The two of them have done a great job. Thank God we have such talents in the Catholic church!

The stage... before everyone else (performers and audiences) arrived, I had the opportunity to snap a pic of the stage and imagined myself standing up there.

The full name of the event

Mdm. Pricilla from the Philippines. When I met her for the first time during the rehearsal, I thought to myself, 'What on earth is this ah mah (old grandmother) doing here? Is she the relative of someone here?' But then I found out that she's the soloist for 'Laudate Dominum' and when I heard her voice... OH GOSH... *with dropped jaw* was unthinkably NICE! [One
lesson for me to learn - don't judge others by their appearance!]

The trio. I was greatly attracted by the boy with the tuxedo. That was my first time seeing a real tuxedo. And wasn't he smart in that tux? =) His voice was... WOW... (you know what I mean, don't you?)

Last but not least, that's the choir. This was taken right after the concert when Mrs. Geraldine Law-Lee came up to the stage to congratulate everyone for the great singing.

The Choral Concert was on 1st October, 8p.m. Malaysian time.

Oct 2, 2005



What did you read?

God is no where?


God is now here!

Just a beautiful way to say - LIFE IS HOW YOU SEE IT!

Always think positive... God bless!