Homesick III - Beauty and the beholder

Thank you, guys!
(Click to enlarge photo)

Ever since that particular period of time (falling in love, getting interested in guys, having crushes, etc.), I knew that I can never be pretty. I never liked make-ups, nor going after jewelry and fancy dresses. Worse still, I take after my father, which makes me look like a boy. When all my girl friends were into make-ups, I concentrated on my inner beauty. I knew this verse from teenage years:-

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. - 1 Peter 3:3-4 (TLB)

I hated the world and its definition of beauty. So no matter how others look at me or judge me, I couldn't be bothered at all. I knew that nothing is more important than to please my God. Over the years, I did have a crush or two but I successfully got over it. Well, I didn't quite like the feeling of it because when it happened, it took my sight away from God.

As I landed in Balhaf (Yemen), attention seemed to be on my colleague and I as there were no other women there. The two of us were being compared... one guy asked why my colleague, being a Caucasian, did not have the curves. Another guy who helped me with work even told me that I looked beautiful, compared to the lady who was there the last time.

Wow... I was flattered! I have never received any compliment of such before! When I was so totally down, upset, homesick, and feeling hopeless, a simple compliment "You are beautiful" touched my heart. From a compliment (which may sound lustful to some), it was transformed into a word of encouragement and affirmation. My heart sent the signal to my brain, "Look, you are beautiful in God's eyes! You complained that you have never heard Him saying it straight to you, now He did!"

I couldn't quite believe that guy when he said that, as I didn't know what his actual intention was. But whatever it was, if I, a nobody, can be beautiful in a stranger's eyes, then surely, it was God who made me beautiful and surely, I am beautiful in His eyes too. Besides being an affirmation for me, it also proved that God was there watching over me all the times, whether I was aware of it or not.

Yes, whether we are aware of it or not, whether we believe it or not, no matter how ugly we think we are, in God's eyes we are all His beautiful precious princes and princesses. If not, would He have sent His only Son to die for us?

When I was typing away to get this post completed, a friend of mine sent me a song with the title 'Beautiful'. I was really surprised... well, could it be such a coincident? So I decided to put the song here to share with everyone. Perhaps, you are in some kind of struggle to get attention from others, or you need a healing of your self-image. Whatever it is, please bear in mind -- when the whole world turn its back at you, God is always there for you; if someone says that you are ugly, don't forget that you are more precious than the Son in the eyes of the King.

"... You are precious in my sight and honoured, and I love you..." - Isaiah 43:4

God bless you!



Click the "Play" button to stream the song. For the lyrics, click here.


Links:
Homesick I - Out Of Fear
Homesick II - Home, Sweet, Home!

Homesick II - Home, Sweet, Home!

Finally, I'm home. I'm just so glad to be home! Friends and family were curious about my trip to Yemen, but I'm not that eager nor excited about it.

Initially, this was the kind of conversation we had:

"How's Yemen?"
"Well, not too bad."
"How's the food?"
"Hmm... okay. We had Indian food 3 meals a day. I was so sick of it after a few days."

Then as more people came along, my answers became shorter and briefer:

"How's Yemen?"
"Sucks."
"Oh, what about the food?"
"Sucks too."
"What did you do there?"
"Duh, work of course. Can't you see my tan?"

My one and only concern was to attend Mass. Having to work on Sundays and missing Mass when I was in Balhaf (Yemen) was definitely not something I enjoyed doing. Staying together with a colleague who loves to curse using Christ's name was just another torture for me. I longed for the moment I was left alone in the cabin and when my colleague was in the shower, those were the good times for me to utter short prayers. Sometimes, I cried myself to sleep.

I simply missed my parents, my best friends in the Youth group, my good online Catholic friends and those kind Carmelite nuns -- all of those who have been praying for me while I was in the foreign land. I missed home, and I missed the company of God's people.

Till this point, you might most probably say that I'm a spoilt child. Well, maybe I am. I'm spoilt by both my parents... and Father God! All these while, the Lord placed me among His people and that was why I had no worries at all. No matter where I've been, I always find Him in those people I met. This time, it was different. I walked with fear and was concerned of my own well being, spiritually and physically. I did have the opportunity to meet two or three gentlemen, but one of them turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. (I will write more on that in my future posts)

But I thank the Lord, for I experienced His presence. He was always there protecting me and keeping me from harm; in every occasion His presence was ever felt. I had a peaceful rest especially when we were on the way home; I had a two-seater (on board of the plane) all for myself and my heart told me that nobody took the seat beside me because it has been booked by the Lord. I even managed to watch Evan Almighty, had sound sleep and even woke up just in time for meals! Praise the Lord? Praise the Lord!

*Chuckled* I really don't know what else to say here besides being thankful to God that I'm home in one piece, and also thank Him for not forsaken me! Sharing with you the picture I took in Al Mukalla, the town we were in before the 3-hour drive to Balhaf.



*A sigh of relief* My heartfelt appreciation to all those who have prayed for me when I was away. Thank you, everyone! God bless...

**update**
Sharing with you the song that has been a prayer to me during my unhappy stay in Yemen. Hope it touches your heart, especially those far away from home, as it touched mine.




Links:
Homesick I - Out of fear...
Homesick III - Beauty and The Beholder

Homesick I - Out of fear...

Lord I am afraid, it is insecurity I feel.
I can’t help but asking myself
is this Your Will?
Or is this just one of those desires
that never hoped to be fulfilled?

Is this really an opportunity I should grab?
Am I going to learn anything?
What kind of offer it will have
or impact on my life it will make?

Look at how much I’ve forgotten.
Am I still capable?
Will I come home alive
or sent home in the cascade?

Is it okay if I mingle around
with all the men there?
To search for a glimpse of Your Presence
in those unknown human hearts?
Or should I just give up everything which
I shouldn’t have revealed from the start?

I know, Lord, the choice is mine
to decide which path to hike.
But Lord, I don’t really mind,
as long as Your hands hold mine.

Decide for me, my Lord,
for Your choice is always right.
You know my heart, my greatest desire,
is to travel with You forever.
So dear Lord, please gently take control,
Come what may, it is You whom I follow.

I was amazed by my ability to produce this simple poem-prayer when I was drowning in fear. This is the poem I’ve came up with for the very first time in my 25 years of life.

My boss wanted me to follow a Caucasian colleague to Yemen 4 months ago, to assist her in handling one environmental project, which requires both of us to scuba dive. Duration, 3 weeks to a month. I remembered that my first reaction was sudden sadness. Escaped into the washroom, I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. Without me realizing, I started to pray… “Lord, how can I live without You for a month? My soul would wither and die without the Eucharist!”

None of my friends actually understood why I felt depressed and rather choose not to go for that trip. Having to move out of the comfort zone is not something easy to do. Leaving my good friends behind for 10 days seem to me like forever. Going without the Eucharist for 2 Sundays will simply be hell for me.

Will I be able to pull through alone? No church, no other Christians, no internet, no phone signals... gosh, how can I survive? I'm totally cut off from everyone!

Last week I received a phone call from my colleague and told me that I am required to go with her to Yemen, and this time, the trip is confirmed. Well, same tragedy happened - anxiety, fear and tears. I told my good friends and asked for continuous prayers. Yes, at this point, only prayers and prayers alone can work wonders.

Another one and a half hour and I shall be leaving to the airport. Guess this is the first time for me to fly out of the country at this hour. Today is my 4th day in Kuala Lumpur, and I've been so homesick. Of course, nothing is better than home! And all these while, I strongly believe that it was the prayers of my family and friends that have kept me alive and sane here. And I really thank the Lord for these wonderful people... I will be missing everyone...

I sincerely ask you all for prayers for me too. I shall be back home in two weeks time. Thank you all.



Links:
Homesick II - Home, Sweet, Home!
Homesick III - Beauty and The Beholder

Praying together, staying together

A family that prays together, stays together. A phrase that is well known to most Catholics.

I am certainly not the right person to talk about how a family that prays together can stay together, as my family doesn't have the habit of praying together. However, I would like to share on what I have experienced when a group of people come together to pray.

I have a group of Catholic friends online whom I met through Skype. Every night at 8pm (Malaysian/Manila/Perth time) when I am around, we always pray the Rosary together, with or without the presence of a priest (a priest in Italy initiated the online Rosary prayer group). I joined the group one year ago, and a few of us who have constantly showed up almost every night have become close friends. After each Rosary session, we usually spend time together to share, or sometimes we have leisure talks - about our countries, our jobs, our families, social issues and even our Faith; sometimes, non-Catholics would question us on our Faith and Teachings of the Church and when that happens, all of us would stand up to defend our belief. I really thank the Lord for meeting us together, even though we have not met each other in person (some of us have webcam, though) we are all united in prayer.

Now, after I've been confirmed by my employee as the company's permanent staff, travelling became more often. I would be away not for a day or two, but the whole week. When I'm outstation, there is problem for me getting online as connection is not always available. It is during these times that I miss my online friends the most. I miss praying together with them.

That is what I found to be not right. Supposedly, I should miss my family members when I'm away, but that is not the case. Those people whom I think of the most are those who prayed together with me.

From this, a conclusion can be drawn -- whenever people gather to pray, God will be there in their midst and His very presence caused everyone to be spiritually bonded to each other through the love for God and His love for them. In other words, people are united through and in prayers. Another instance, if I've got a choice I'd choose to attend Mass in the parish church I always go to over the past 12 years, even though I don't know all the parishioners there. In the same way, even though I've never met my online friends in person, I got attached to them because of prayer. And so is family that prays together.

Indeed, a family that prays together, stays together.

Be sure to teach the families to pray all together - father, mother and children. For the family that prays together stays together, and if they stay together they will love one another as Jesus loves each one of them... - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

My parents were not frequent Mass goers when I was much younger until I was baptized and confirmed. Therefore, praying together has never happened then. We did manage to pray together once in a while many years ago, but it didn't last too long before it finally stopped. To get my brother to pray with us has always been a difficult task since then. To make matter worse, after that particular unpleasant event that had befallen my dad in our parish, my parents tried to avoid going back there and they became 'travelling' Catholics who go to different parishes every week. It's even more difficult for me to get everyone together to pray now.

Dearest parents out there, I sincerely ask you to please teach your children how to pray at a very young age and make family prayer a habit. Introducing our loving Heavenly Father to the children is the best insurance policy in the whole wide world which you can buy for them.

As for me and my family, I also ask for your kind prayers, that my family would come together once again to pray and may we be united in prayers. Thank you!


Links:
Prayer for the Family

Photo courtesy of Inspire Me Inc.

Our Lady's Message from Medjugorje

The Message of 25th August, 2007:


"Dear children! Also today I call you to conversion. May your life, little children, be a reflection of God's goodness and not of hatred and unfaithfulness. Pray, little children, that prayer may become life for you. In this way, in your life you will discover the peace and joy which God gives to those who have an open heart to His love. And you who are far from God's mercy, convert so that God may not become deaf to your prayers and that it may not be too late for you. Therefore, in this time of grace, convert and put God in the first place in your life. Thank you for having responded to my call."


Source: Children of Medjugorge