A simple hug expresses love which words cannot describe.Yes. I'm referring to myself. Selfish... that's the best word to describe what I've not done tonight. And yes, I'm so very disappointed with myself right now. This very moment. No, not just disappointment. Even shame.
Shame on me. I've always wanted to receive a hug from Christ, a real hug; but tonight, I've just let the opportunity slip by. And I could have brought Christ to another person as well, but I failed. Shame, what a shame!
I went for the *Evening of Prayer just now. As I did not have any transport to go home, a friend (who is one of the important people in the Parish Council) offered to give me a lift home. So I waited for him outside the church as he had a short discussion with somebody. I was with another two persons, one of the Extraordinary Ministers (who is my father's friend) and his partially disabled son (he had an accident years ago, which affected his locomotion, speech and appearance). I was talking to him and his father when a friend of mine came and we gave each other a hug.
"Gosh, I could have fallen asleep if we hug this way. Haha!" She laughed. And after waving me goodbye and good night, she left with her mother.
So my partially disabled friend saw us, got excited and he said to me, "Hey, I want a hug too!" At first, I couldn't make out what he was saying. I thought he said "I want to hachoo!" which means he wanted to sneeze. I jokingly backed away from him, and told him to "Go ahead and sneeze", then only to realize that something was wrong. So I asked him to repeat what he has just said.
"I want a hug too," he repeated.
"Ohh... from whom?" I asked.
He pointed his index finger at me. "You."
At that very moment, I didn't know what to do. I flashed him a big, shy smile, and stood there, feeling embarrassed. I was totally lost. I didn't know whether I should give him a hug or not. Then a thought came: You're a lady, and you want to hug a guy? HELLO! And look, his father is looking at you. There are some other people around too. Are you not afraid that people might spread rumours? Seeing me not doing anything, he changed the topic.
I must have broken his heart, twice.
See, I'm right, am I not? I'm a selfish person. I feel so insincere. I always tell myself that I must reach out and give anybody a hug if they ask for one or needed one. Anybody at all. Male, female, the sick, the young and the old. Anyway, what is so difficult in performing the simple act of hugging? Yet, I failed. I failed so terribly!!
Oh Lord, please tell me what was wrong with me! How could I give in to such selfish thoughts? Ohhh... how could I let this happen? How could I reject a hug for and from Christ in disguise?? I wish I were at the beach now, alone so that I could cry my heart out... and cry for His forgiveness and perhaps, for another chance...
My dear friends, please, as you read this, DON'T follow my bad example. If I say that I'm still bounded by the Chinese tradition where unmarried man and woman are not supposed to touch, what more to hug each other, I'll be a big liar and besides, that would be a very lame excuse.
A sincere advice for all (this time, I know this comes from God): When it comes to reaching out, don't be self-conscious. Instead, be God-conscious. A hug is a simple act of love. It has the power to bring others to God, as well as helping us to experience God.
I'm invited to the Mandarin session of Evening of Prayer next week, for my help is needed then. I hope I'll be given another chance to give that friend of mine a hug he has asked for tonight.
*A special prayer session with praise and worship, which is held every Wednesday night in Holy Trinity Church. Every first Wednesday, there will be Benediction and exposure of the Host. All are invited to attend, as long as you're in Kuching.
Shame on me. I've always wanted to receive a hug from Christ, a real hug; but tonight, I've just let the opportunity slip by. And I could have brought Christ to another person as well, but I failed. Shame, what a shame!
I went for the *Evening of Prayer just now. As I did not have any transport to go home, a friend (who is one of the important people in the Parish Council) offered to give me a lift home. So I waited for him outside the church as he had a short discussion with somebody. I was with another two persons, one of the Extraordinary Ministers (who is my father's friend) and his partially disabled son (he had an accident years ago, which affected his locomotion, speech and appearance). I was talking to him and his father when a friend of mine came and we gave each other a hug.
"Gosh, I could have fallen asleep if we hug this way. Haha!" She laughed. And after waving me goodbye and good night, she left with her mother.
So my partially disabled friend saw us, got excited and he said to me, "Hey, I want a hug too!" At first, I couldn't make out what he was saying. I thought he said "I want to hachoo!" which means he wanted to sneeze. I jokingly backed away from him, and told him to "Go ahead and sneeze", then only to realize that something was wrong. So I asked him to repeat what he has just said.
"I want a hug too," he repeated.
"Ohh... from whom?" I asked.
He pointed his index finger at me. "You."
At that very moment, I didn't know what to do. I flashed him a big, shy smile, and stood there, feeling embarrassed. I was totally lost. I didn't know whether I should give him a hug or not. Then a thought came: You're a lady, and you want to hug a guy? HELLO! And look, his father is looking at you. There are some other people around too. Are you not afraid that people might spread rumours? Seeing me not doing anything, he changed the topic.
I must have broken his heart, twice.
See, I'm right, am I not? I'm a selfish person. I feel so insincere. I always tell myself that I must reach out and give anybody a hug if they ask for one or needed one. Anybody at all. Male, female, the sick, the young and the old. Anyway, what is so difficult in performing the simple act of hugging? Yet, I failed. I failed so terribly!!
Oh Lord, please tell me what was wrong with me! How could I give in to such selfish thoughts? Ohhh... how could I let this happen? How could I reject a hug for and from Christ in disguise?? I wish I were at the beach now, alone so that I could cry my heart out... and cry for His forgiveness and perhaps, for another chance...
My dear friends, please, as you read this, DON'T follow my bad example. If I say that I'm still bounded by the Chinese tradition where unmarried man and woman are not supposed to touch, what more to hug each other, I'll be a big liar and besides, that would be a very lame excuse.
A sincere advice for all (this time, I know this comes from God): When it comes to reaching out, don't be self-conscious. Instead, be God-conscious. A hug is a simple act of love. It has the power to bring others to God, as well as helping us to experience God.
I'm invited to the Mandarin session of Evening of Prayer next week, for my help is needed then. I hope I'll be given another chance to give that friend of mine a hug he has asked for tonight.
*A special prayer session with praise and worship, which is held every Wednesday night in Holy Trinity Church. Every first Wednesday, there will be Benediction and exposure of the Host. All are invited to attend, as long as you're in Kuching.
3 comments:
Ooh Audrey, till this day you are still shy of giving a hug to some people? Guess I am off tat limits for many years now. At times people just dun think the way you think, you think that people might spend rumors, but eventually, they will not, coz for the new millenium, people do change. It's just a hug... and dun think too much.
If you say that a hug is too much, then how u explain me givin my fren a kiss in e cheek? Male and female?
Sigh. I'm not saying that it's too much la. I just don't get why I'm still not at your 'level' yet. I hugged guys before.. but I really didn't know what happened to me that day.
Dear Audrey,
Today it was as if I'd run mad after cracking my brain at some academic work in the liberary. In the midst of my study, I found myself reflecting on that wonderful write-up: "Selfish...That's me" I had thought of it before but could not air my views due to time. But this time I have to break through the shackles of time to air my views. Ah! I hope it's not too late...
Permit me to disagree with you on the issure. My position is informed solely by what you wrote there. What I want to say is that I don't think you acted selfishly! According to the story, your reason for not hugging the guy was not because:
1) You don't like him;
2) He is disabled;
3) You don't hug guys or has not hugged a guy before;
4) does not know the importance;
Rather you were overly sensitive to your environment. You were conscious of the feelings of others or the impression you might give. Do you know you need not do a bad thing before you cause scandal? You may be acting out of a clear conscience but such may scandalize others. That is why we use always apply prudence, which I think is what you did. Read I cor 8:10--13 Christian charity requires that we should refraim from doing something "not bad" if such can scandalize someone whose faith is not as strong as ours.
Again, it is good to be bound by ones culture. That does not mean we shouldn't learn from other cultures. I think the Chinese culture is not bad in that respect and you should be proud of it. The West wants us to believe that individualism is the best way. So they say act as you feel. But it's good to be sensitive to one's cultural background; in this case, it's good to respect the feelings or perceptions of others. I don't think you acted selfishly, rather you were sensitive to your "environment"
Maybe I'm not right but that's how I feel about it. I'm not just merely being defensive of your act. In Eastern Nigeria where I come from, we hug and shake hands freely. But in Nothern Nigeria, you dare not hug the opposite sex, even hugging among the same gender is not freely welcome! I've had a faire share of such embarrassment, especially among muslims.
Prudence is the key word. Probably I'm not a secularist, but this is the way of life. Pls I'll be yearning to hear what your reaction to my views above. If find it right, you can post it at 'footprints' of the article. Remain stay tuned.....
Your friend,
Jude.
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