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Mar 18, 2006

An Afternoon-nap-mare

It was truly a weird and terrifying dream. A supposedly short nap turned into a dream-filled sleep. It was so real, and I actually woke up with fear and a headache.


One day (I'm not sure if it was a day or at night) as I was sitting at my study table typing away on my laptop, Mom came to me and told me that she had decided to leave Kuching (why and where to, I can't remember). I was really shocked and sad, I tried all I could to persuade her to stay, but all to no avail. She said there was no reason for her to stay anymore, and leaving was the best option she's got. That very same day, Dad broke the news as he held his medical documents in his hands, that he was diagnosed to have cancer and it was the beginning of the final stage. I did not know what to do or say. I wanted to break down and cry, but because of my ego, I did not do so. Weird enough, both my parents were calm as if they had been expecting it.

Even though I did not break down and cry, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was trying my very best not to let my parents see me shedding tears. Everything went on normally... Dad dealing with his stuffs; and Mom busy with her daily chores; I was typing away on the laptop; my brother was no where in sight. Every now and then, my Mom would walk over to me and asked me whether I was hungry or to pass me something to eat like fruits etc., like what she usually did; Dad was walking in and out of the house as usual, sometimes he would stop by and check on me. I was wiping my tears off to avoid being seen.

Out of the blue, I found myself listening to a song that talked about the joy of being together with the family. That very moment, my Mom was standing right beside me. I pointed to the laptop and told her that this song was composed by someone who missed his family. Instantly, I burst into tears...


Then I woke up in sweat, and saw my parents watching TV together on the sofa. I was relieved.

I'm still wondering what this dream might mean. Is it telling about my future? Or it may mean nothing at all. I tried a few times to imagine that my parents were no longer alive, but the thought of it brought me to tears. I could feel the loneliness, the empty and quiet house; I missed my parents' nagging, I missed the sound of their footsteps; I missed my mom's cooking; I simply missed their being around. I've been living together with my parents for 24 years now, and I don't mind looking after them in their old age alone, if my brother is unwilling. I love them more than anything else in this world (after God, of course!), and no, I will never leave them.

My Lord God, my Beloved Father in Heaven, please I beg You, to watch over my parents and shower them with abundant blessings for the time, money and love they have sacrificed for me and my brother. I want to specially keep them in my prayers for the 3rd week of Lent, and also all parents in the world. Our Lady and all the Saints, please intercede for me. Amen!
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