I had the opportunity to help singing for a wedding Mass yesterday morning. The Youth Music Ministry was supposed to be singing but sadly, only 3 of us turned up. I really pitied the couples. They are frequent Chinese Mass goers but they have to pick English hymns which they are not familiar with. So in the end, the hymns they picked were so out-of-place... they just didn't fit into the wedding Mass. I (we) did my (our) best to sing for them, despite my blocked nose.
I loved the part where the two of them exchanged their vows, and this time my mind started to wander...
Priest: Audrey, have you come here freely without reservation to give yourself to the Lord in marriage?
Me: Yes I have!
Priest: Roger, have you come here freely...
(My mind came back for a while...)
Priest: Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and His Church.
Voice: I, the Lord, take you, Audrey, to be mine. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.
Me: (my heart was melting, looking at the Crucifix) Me to, my Lord...
Voice: Audrey, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Me:(Speechless. Eyes wet. Continued staring at the Crucifix)
Somebody nudged me.
I 'woke up', turned to the back and heard my friend saying to me: "Audrey, what's the next song?"
A thought came to me that night. Since I've got nothing to do now (am on holidays now, waiting for exam results), why not I stay at the Convent for a month or so to seriously think about my vocation? I need a quiet place with the correct environment so that I can spend the whole month in prayers and reflection. I really love the Lord, I love Him to the extend of leaving everything I have to follow His way of life - the life of holiness. I've been through the times when I totally excluded Him from my life, and it was really torturous and painful to live without Him. This is what you call LOVE, isn't it? The very force that lifts you up when everyone and everything else in this world let you down.
I'm still wondering... am I called to a single consecrated life or to a religious life? Please pray for me, and also for all those who are discerning.
I love You, Lord!