In another 4 days time, I'll no longer be 22. 22 has been my lucky number all these while, but not any more very soon. How do I feel about it? Well, not feeling excited at all.
My parents and friends are already planning to celebrate with me, but I turned them down. Noor Ling, my 'twin sister', has planned to have some outing that night. She wanted to 'book' me, but I told her I won't be going anywhere that night, I have to do final ammendments to my proposal before handing it in the next day. I just can't afford to waste any more time. My parents asked me since Friday whether I want a new printer (honestly, I really NEED one), but I told them no. I don't want to waste my parents' money, since my dad will be retiring this October.
As I searched my memories, my best birthday was last birthday, where all my housemates threw a surprise birthday party for me. A small one, but I was really happy. They even bought me a chocolate fudge cake. Well, chocolate is my all-time favourite, so I really enjoyed myself then. And of course, lots of wishes came through SMS. What more could I ask for? It felt as if everyone remembered my birthday all of a sudden! Felt like I was the centre of attention!
But not this time, not this year. I just want to be left alone this time. No celebrations. No cake. No presents. No surprises. Not expecting anyone to remember my birthday. Maybe one or two SMS or phone calls from my close friends. *Sigh* I just don't feel like celebrating. All the stress and frustations have robbed my celebrating mood away. I just hope that when that day comes, I won't even remember it's my birthday. Well, what difference will it make whether I celebrate it or not? Life still has to go on as usual...
I do have one birthday wish though. Just one. Simple one. It is the greatest gift I've always wanted to receive for every birthday. I want to be in church, where I can have some quiet moments with God, receive Holy Eucharist during Mass, and renew my vows. But I know it is just impossible - I have no car, and even if I have I don't really have the guts to drive to church alone.
Well, so much for my birthday 'plan', huh? This will be my first most pathetic birthday celebration I ever had.
3 comments:
I wouldn't have made my birthday a pathetic one when I am fully alive. I will make the best of it and incline on a sofa to regurgitate the excitement of it all. You still have time to make the best of it. A year with the Lord is worth celebrating. I wish you the best of the birthdays, this year.
Timothy
Check my blog Audrey....
Timothy, thanks a lot. Haven't seen you lately though.
CK: Thanks, great great poem.
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