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Oct 25, 2005

Misunderstanding?

I don't know. I just don't know how to call this conflict my friend and I are having. Misunderstanding? Conflict?

I wasn't in a good mood that day. I was harsh to almost everyone I met - my close classmates, my roommate and my housemates and my other friends. I kept quiet whenever and wherever possible. I barely smiled.

I raised my voice when talking to my roommate and my good friends. Thinking back, I feel really sorry for them. Despite avoiding me, they took the effort (and risk!) to talk to me. It was a real comfort to know that they care. Perhaps it is much better to have one or two Christian friends than to have a whole bunch of non-Christian friends who claim to know you well.

But this friend of mine was different. She knew that I was in a bad mood. After I told her that I might not be able to finish all my assignments in time, she asked me why. To me it was such a foolish question at that moment. Why? What do you mean why? Cannot finish means cannot finish, what other reasons do I need to have? I told her that. I didn't get to see her facial expression when she left my room, and since then never talked or even looked at me until today.

If I should apologise, I think my apology should go to Sarah, Su Yin, Bee Khim and Ah Mau. I have no idea why she sulked. I admit that I was a little impatient when I was talking to her, it was much better compared to the last time (we had another conflict a few months ago) I said something purposely to hurt her.

I didn't know that she was angry with me until I asked her to try something I cooked last Thursday. At first I thought she was just kidding, but only found out later on that she refused to talk to me. She used to claim that she knew me better than any of my friends do, clear enough it proved her wrong. So, this is what you call 'understanding'?, huh?

I've approached her once, and I wouldn't do it the second time. Nope, I'm not angry with her, why should I be? It's who she is and I've accepted her 3 years ago. I guess the best thing to do now is to wait till her anger has subsided. Who knows she might want to talk to me again. Even if she doesn't, what can I do? Force her, beg her? No, that's unnecessary. She started the war and so she has to end it. The choice is hers. I'm hoping she doesn't choose to end this friendship.

She's in my prayers.
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