All these while I kept thinking that I, as a Christian, understand what forgiveness is. But many a times, I feel like I have no difference with that proud Pharisee in the parable of Jesus. I said 'I forgive you', but deep down inside I knew that I did not.
What actually is forgiveness? How do you know you have truly forgiven a person? -Questions I have been asking for years.
'I have forgiven him, but I don't feel comfortable talking to him.'
'I willingly forgive her, but seeing her in church is something I don't like.'
'My wounds will heal, but the scar will stay anyway.'
Nope. This is not forgiveness.
Somebody ever said that forgiveness means "the hurt is no longer felt when an incident or a person is being mentioned or recalled." Yes. That was exactly what I experienced this week.
I met the ex-manager of a supermarket where I worked part time 4 years ago. I used to label her as 'inhumane money-face maniac', and I made sure other people know how I disliked her even after I have quit the job. When I met her 3 days ago, compassion flooded me instead of hatred. As she spotted me and walked towards me, I shaked her hands and flashed her a sincere smile which I have never done before; we had a brief chat. I have forgotten that she was the one I hated 4 years ago.
I went out for movies with a group of ex-classmates last night, among them was a friend who has betrayed me 5 years ago. When we were talking about our studies, I did not feel uncomfortable at all.
Today was the feast of the Presentation of the Lord, so I went to Mass together with my parents. As I stepped into the church, a lady saw me and walked swiftly towards me. That lady was the culprit for our church political turmoil last year, and because of her I became a victim. Since then, everytime I saw her or heard her name being mentioned, I wished I could punch her in the eye. I tried my very best to avoid meeting with her face to face. But today, things were different. Even before she reached me, I flashed a smile. When we met, she told me that there were not enough people to sing in the choir, so my help was needed. No revengeful thoughts. The scar was gone!
When I look back at what I have been through, Lord, thank You so much. Thank You for the lessons I have learnt, the wounds You have completely healed, and to let me see things the way You see them.
I love you Lord, now and always... till forever meets no end.
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