Restrictions

I was reading through the reflection for the readings of 4th Sunday. It got me into thinking again, thinking of the things I do not like to think for the time being.

Some of text go like this:

I have no desire to place restrictions on you, but I do want to promote what is good, what will help you to devote yourselves entirely to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:35

We must accept certain restrictions if we wish to totally commit our lives to the Lord. Gospel poverty, celibacy, a large family, a faithful marriage, a demanding ministry -- all restrict us significantly. However, any decision or commitment restricts us. Any successful athlete, business person, or celebrity has placed severe restrictions on themselves. How much more willing should we be to restrict ourselves out of love for the Lord!
[...]

I am still worried about my life after graduation. Should I continue Masters degree? Or I should work first? Another important thing to be considered is to sign up as a Secular Carmelite. Once I am a Secular Carmelite, I might not have the opportunity to study abroad anymore. I am eagerly looking forward to the next World Youth Day in 2008. So if I do not have a job, how can I get to Sydney? Which one should I sacrifice?

A very difficult decision to make,is it not? Well, maybe not for you. But for me, it sure is.

Yes, I want to totally commit my life to God. That is the only wish I have. When you are so in love with someone, would you not want to live a committed life with that person? Same case with me. But that would mean giving up lots of things in live, including the plan to further my studies. Sometimes I really admired those who are still schooling, they have nothing to worry about except their studies... sometimes I admired those who have good jobs, they do not have to worry about unemployment.

That is why I am putting the thoughts of becoming a Secular Carmelite behind, just for the time being. But it keeps coming back to haunt me. Sooner or later, I have no choice but to make a choice.

Aaarrgghh... enough crapings, time to go to bed. I do not want to be late for Mass in the morning. God bless.