Aug 26, 2005

My Greatest Regret

In my 23 years of life, I have not had any regretful moments. That doesn't mean that I didn't have any failures or heartaches or whatsoever hurts and sufferings resulting from the decisions I made. I had those, but everytime I fall God pulls me up again, and He let me learn from my previous mistakes. But for this one, it's different. It is just like a scattered dream.

Ever since Science became my favourite subject in secondary school, the dream began. I was 18 then, had the opportunity to visit the children of special needs and Old Folks' Home. On the streets of the city I live in, I never stopped noticing the blind beggers with their children. In the hospitals when I was visiting my a friend or relative, it hurt me to see patients with tubes all over them. It was the sufferings of these people that made me want to become a medical doctor.

I thought God would provide me with everything I needed, so I didn't work as hard as I should, or shall I say, taking God for granted. I thought that, since God wanted me to become a doctor, I didn't really need to work so hard because I would surely become a doctor no matter what happened since this was the will of God. But I was wrong...REALLY WRONG! My result wasn't good enough for me to enter the medical college. Now I agree with the saying that 'God will not help those who do not help themselves.'

That is my greatest regret. My one and only regret. I cannot forgive myself for this big mistake I've made. Everytime I meet a doctor, or watch series/movies about a dedicated doctor and how he/she cares for the sick with tenderness and love, I start to blame myself again.

I know that most doctors in this world are after money and fame. The situation here in Malaysia has not much difference at all. Actually I'm very disappointed with most of the doctors I met... they ask for money first before giving treatment. I have a friend who studies as a doctor because he said that this is the best way to get rich. Is this what a doctor supposed to be like? That's why I dreamt of becoming a doctor who put patients first, and I knew that I would be able to get closer to God by giving my everything for the sick.

Recently I've been following closely the Korean TV series 'The Legendary Doctor Hur Jun', the real story of a doctor who existed hundreds of years ago in Korea. I'm really really touched by the love and passion Doctor Hur Jun had for the sick. He was recognised as the most outstanding doctor at that time, yet he was humble and asked nothing in return for the many things he's done. He refused the promotion to work in the Castle and requested to continue caring for the sick among the lowly. It is really amazing to know that a great doctor like him has ever existed. He is the kind of doctor I dreamt of becoming.

I know there's no use crying over spilt milk, but Doctor Hur Jun will always be my example now and in the future when I become a scientist (or whoever God wants me to be). My little request for all the medical doctors in the world: Please be who you are supposed to be, do not let money and fame blindfold you; giving is better than receiving.

I wish I would be able to meet this kind of doctor in person one day.

The Legendary Doctor Hur Jun

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